September, 2011

The Last Resort

You know those little fake plastic and nylon yellow daffodils they sell every year that are supposed to give you immunity from cancer? Well they don’t bloody work. Something ought to be done. It’s just not right. It’s not as if I used to throw chump-change into the collecting bucket like most of the other […]



Why I am not an astronaut.

I thought it would be a good idea to take a bit of a break from all the blood and guts, apparently some of you are starting to get a bit squeamish.Today instead, I’m going to tell you why I’m not an astronaut. You see, advertising Art Director & Animator was never my first calling. […]



I’ve got you, under my skin.

We are up at sparrow’s today, to be on the early ferry to the city. I have an 8.30 appointment at the hospital to have my main-line fitted in preparation for starting chemotherapy at the beginning of October. It feels strange being back on the busy commuter service, having been keeping gentleman’s hours for the […]



Very nearly an armfull!

Last stop on my week-long whistle-stop tour of Auckland’s medical establishments was a return visit to the city Oncology Unit (Cancer & Blood Services), for something ominously called a Pre-Op. To my relief, this turned out to be nothing more sinister than a form filling exercise with a dapper young Indian registrar called Raj. Q. […]



Attention all knitters!

According to a leaflet I picked up the other day entitled “Know your hospital rights,” I’m no longer a patient, but a Healthcare Consumer. I think ‘patient’ is more honest. Medicine is after all, mostly about waiting. This week has been an endless succession of busy receptions and crowded waiting rooms. Hours of boredom and […]



Club Med

Well, I promised to report in after the Gastroscopy re-match yesterday, unfortunately, it wasn’t to be. In an attempt to avoid a repeat performance of the last ugly debacle, I urged the surgeon Micheal not to be shy with the sedation this time. He reassured me of his particular prowess in the sleepy-byes department and […]



This won’t hurt a bit. Honest.

Well, the holiday is almost over. They’ve left me in relative peace for the past couple of weeks, but I have been summoned back to the meat-works tomorrow for my next “procedure.” A normally innocuous word that takes on a chilling new gravitas when used in the same sentence as “hospital.” This particular procedure involves […]



Now wash your hands

I know that matters lavatorial have become something of a recurring theme in this narrative, and for that I apologise, but pay attention dear readers. The following information might just save your life one day. I have a theory that people can be more-or-less evenly divided into two camps. Those who take an interest in […]



Faith can move mountains

Jo, Becca & I just spent a few days down in Queenstown, hence the hiatus between posts. We refused to pay the completely outrageous $50 per Gig that the pencil-skirted bandit behind the desk at the hotel demanded for a wi-fi connection. When will these people understand that connectivity is no longer a frivolous diversion […]



Of Butterflies and Tigers

I saw my first Monarch butterfly of the season while out walking this morning. A definite sign that spring has finally arrived on the island. If I had to get cancer, I’m happy it happened at this time of the year. It’s so much easier to be positive and constructive with a clear blue sky […]